What should it be?

I know I have broached this subject before but it is still weighing heavy on all aspects of my being. My wife and kids are sick of daddy taking time to research and look for an SUV to buy. Also the financial situation, reliability issues, gas mileage, practicality, etc. You would think given the opportunity to buy what I want would be a blessing and it has been, but it is still stressful. When buying a used auto there are so many areas to consider and then no matter how informed you think your decision is you never know the true history or condition of the vehicle until you buy it.
First I am still trying to figure out what will be most suited for my purposes. I need something large enough to fit the family and some gear. I have owned a Jeep Wrangler and as much as it is bad ass off road it is small. That is one reason it is so capable on the trail but most of our time is not spent on a trail. So don't short yourself for that once in awhile use. There are plenty of vehicles with similar capabilities and more cargo space. Not to mention Wranglers have the highest resale value which means you pay a premium for a POS, trust me I have gone and looked at them.
If you are buying used and plan to fix it up you need to get a vehicle with cheap aftermarket parts, especially if you want to modify your ride. Not all cars have a big aftermarket selection which drives the price up do to supply and demand also making it more difficult to find certain components. Those are for the true gear head who likes a challenge and waiting for one to pop up in the salvage yard to get what you need. Domestic cars usually have cheaper parts as well. Try finding a suspension lift for a Mitsubishi Montero, trust me I had one.
So if you can find the parts and afford them, how easy is it to install them. Some vehicles require heavy fabrication to install simple things. I don't own a welder nor do I know how to use one. This skill set is expensive to hire so look for a bolt on market where you don't have to get the plasma cutter out to change the air filter!
What sort of mileage will be sufficient for your wallet. I live close to work and have another car so I can get a big gas guzzler and not suffer to much. The short drive also makes me be able to modify them a little more and sacrifice some ride quality. You do not want a 30 minute commute on a set of Bogger tires, "what did you say? I am deaf but my tires look tuff!"
How old of a car should you get? I have been tossing this around for a while. I used to think the newer the better but after looking for 7 months, as my wife reminded me today, I beg to differ. I have inspected and driven rides that are over 20 and under 4 years old. The main difference is rust. If it is out of warranty it is out of warranty. You will definitely pay more for newer car parts because they usually involve some form of computer control or electric sensor. Also dumping a bunch of money into something there are a lot of on the road or an undesirable is only worth it if you plan to drive it for a long time. You will NOT get your money out of a newer vehicles mods or repairs unless you got a killer deal and did all the work yourself. The closer you get to 100K miles the more you can expect to need repairs. I have seen several cars with only 40K need major component replacements costing from $600 to $2000 and they were totally separate types and brands of cars. Less electrical components are a plus when it comes to reliability. If you are looking at a 10 year old car you will probably be replacing several switches in the near future. I don't know how many of y'all have replaced a power window switch before but I can assure you it is not worth the convenience. I will crank my windows up for the rest of eternity.
I would say the only modern conveniences worth trying to get may be fuel injection and some safety features. Like I said the shelf life on electronics is much shorter than mechanical action. So I have settled on fixing up an old mechanical ride with less electronics than most people have in their pockets. New carburetor, $300; new fuel injection around $1000. Yes some times they run a little smoother or the electronics are nice to play with but don't whine about it when you are charged $600 to replace a throttle body because they charge labor to reprogram the computer and take hours to dig through the engine to get to the part. You can sit under the hood of mos old cars and you can see the components to trouble shoot them. It takes me forever just to find a part on my wife's car considering the motor is shoe horned in there.
I urge you to go to a car show open to all years and compare what I am saying. Look at a 60's model, an engine with wheels. Then look at a 90's, fuel injected but still able to repair cheaply and easily, you can still see all of the motor. Then there are the 00's era cars, great performance but open the hood and what do you see? A big piece of plastic, remove that and the motor is crammed in there like me trying to fit into my jeans from 10 years ago, you ever seen a button as a projectile? There are pros and cons to all rides but you need to way them against your budget and ability. Don't think that a car with only 50K miles on it won't break down the minute you drive away.
Last point in my car buying sermon is discernment. This is hard because people are trying to get as much for their car as possible. Why would they disclose everything to you and drive there price down? There are a lot of honest sellers out there but some of them don't know what is wrong with their ride or what that weird noise is. So when you first start dealing with someone I recommend talking instead of text. You can tell a lot by someones demeanor, this is hard to detect in text. Ask them why they are selling and how long they have owned it. I ask these questions a couple of times. I have noticed that between talking on the phone, text, and at the test drive these stories may change. This is a good indicator that you should walk away. Also be prepared for the up sale. Don't take their word for it, check everything! I have been on a test drive when advertised was a new clutch, as I drove with the owner in the passenger seat I asked "does it always grind going into 2nd?" If they say it has a new anything, it doesn't unless there is a receipt! Be familiar with how much some repairs cost so you can estimate on the spot how much you will need to get the vehicle how you want it. This is also a great negotiating tool, "I know your asking $5000 but it needs a new clutch so that will cost me $400 and the tires are worn, I'll give you $3800."
Build up your shopping tool box and you should be more equipped than most sellers. Don't be afraid, most people are not intentional in ripping you off. If someone knows their vehicle they will most likely disclose anything major. It is up to you to find any discrepancies, whether there are 40k or 190k miles on it. If it is sold as is/no warranty you are at the mercy of your discernment. Please if you don't know what your are looking for ask someone to go with you or drive it to a mechanic you trust and pay a few bucks. It's worth it in the long run. Please don't buy from those shady little car dealers, you know the ones that have all the sporty cars and trucks and finance military "no money down." You will more than likely get a better deal and product buying from a private party seller.
So get out there and make the best of it and leave the impulses at home! Don't take as long as me though, it will just aggravate this joyful occasion of finding that perfect new ride!